So, do you ever feel frustrated with the computer??  What thoughts come up to you?  Or don't you want to say them in polite company?  I ask this, because my "mouse" and I are having difficulty dialoging. 

The question then is, "am I feeling inadequate?", or more likely I thought I was good at communicating and here this little "creature" seems to be getting the best of me"..

Could it be that I just don't YET have the knowledge to make this communication successful?  So what to do??  I can berate myself or my mouse or get some knowledge!!  Lots of ways to do this, I can read about what to do, and that can help.  OR I can get some expert help to make my life easier and save time and energy.

That's where my friend, Tina came in.  She is a computer expert and within a short time has made my life so much easier and happier.  My partner Jerry and I love doing that for people when they are having difficulty communicating.  Most of us haven'tbeen taught how to communicate in our important relationships so that they are win-win.  It isn't that no one cared, they just didn't know how to teach us something they didn't know.

Jerry and I have a program that is so helpful in having more understanding of yourselves, your partners, and other significant people in your life.....even people you don't like so you can enjoy life even more.

 

Sometimes little things mean a lot. Case in point as I came into a medical facility waiting room the sound of Hawaiian music and three lithe swaying women gracefully doing a hula were a joy to see.

They were performing for two or three elderly people waiting to be called to see their doctors.

Just before that, after exercising, I heard musicians playing guitars, and a singer with old timey songs bringing back memories.  And they were good too.

Then, as I picked out an item at the drug store, I made a little joke about me, to the man waiting in back of several people to be waited on “go to the back of the line”.  He didn’t respond, and I did what I said, went in back of him.  I then realized that there were numbers to take, so I walked up and got one.  At that moment, he followed and picked up number 27. (I had number 26).

Since he’d been in front of me, I handed him number 26 stating “you were ahead of me”.  He took it, and was so appreciative.  At that time another man came up to me and said “here is my number 24”.

And then it was like dominoes falling, because another woman came up to the man I’d given my number to, and gave him number 23.  He was delighted, and so were we all.  As he left with his purchase, he thanked us again. My pleasure, truly.  It was such a nice and spontaneous reaction and showed people care.  It was such a small thing for me to do, but brought about such good feelings for all concerned.

You know that feeling when someone lets you go ahead of them in the grocery line, especially when you just have one or two items.  Someone thought about you and what might feel good to you and then followed through.

 

 

July 1st

Do you ever wonder if you chose the right person?  Is there anyone who hasn’t had that question pop up for them?

Maybe there is someone you almost had, or did have, a relationship with and you wonder….what if?

Maybe they are someone you think you have more in common with than your present partner.  So what to do?  Is there a way to tell your partner your thoughts and fears?  Pretty scary idea.  They, or you, might be hurt.  What other fears come up for you?

Is there a way to talk to yourself, not to persuade or dissuade, but to really listen?

·        What are the qualities you see in the other person?

·        What kept that relationship from flourishing?

·        Are these qualities you’d like to have within yourself?

·        Is there a way to bring in what seems to be missing into your current relationship?

·        What are the good qualities you saw in your partner at the beginning?

·        Are they there now?  Are there other good ones you can find?

Did you know that somewhere between 2 hours and 2 years the stage of disillusionment sets in? Then it is a message to look at what your expectations are of your partner, yourself, and the relationship.  Are they realistic?  Would your partner be willing to make some changes if they knew what was in the balance?  Even more importantly, would you be willing to make some changes regardless of what your partner does or doesn’t do?

Is the other person and the lifestyle you envision with them realistic?  Are they torn by the same questions and indecision you are?  Would life really be better with them?  Sometimes we fantasize what life would be like with them.  This is particularly true when we have the reality of bills, kids, life with our present partner.

When someone dies, or a relationship does, it is so easy to eulogize them and think only of the positives about them.  This can be good, and at the same time keep you stuck. It can be helpful to also look at what wasn’t so great.  Not to bring in negatives, just reality.

Very importantly, what is good in your relationship with your partner?  Do you tell him or her?  And do you get appreciations from them?

What would happen if you put the same energy into your current relationship that you are putting into your “fantasy”?

Just wondering….

 

July 4th

What a difference a day makes, or so the song goes.  Same idea, when instead of internalizing something that bothers you talk to your partner or the person you may be feeling isolated from.  Or perhaps that you are feeling frusted with. 

Notice what happens.  Especially if they will listen, mirror you, and not try to convince you that your feelings or thoughts don't make sense.  They do make sense, at least from the way you are viewing that uncomfortable issue from (your world).

Joe and Lisa were feeling separate even though they were spending a lot of time together.

Lisa was afraid to bring the issue up ....that their closeness seemed to be gone in some ways.

She thought maybe "that special feeling" was gone.  Finally the pain of not knowing what to do became so great, that she decided to "risk" and tell Joe that she was feeling lonely with him.

He was surprised, but listened, and validated her thoughts.  Didn't mean he agreed but could appreciate her viewpoint.  Amazing things happened, the old feeling of intimacy began to come back to her and they talked about what each could do differently.

Note that she didn't say "you" did or didn't do something.  She just owned her thoughts and feelings.  And, Joe, chose  to listen and remember this was her view based on many things that didn't all pertain to him or them.  He also decided to tell her his thoughts and both listened and mirrored with empathy.

They both had chosen to put their world aside temporarily and visit their partner's world, exploring with them, just like you might if you were traveling and seeing a new place.  Maybe one you knew something about, but were eager to learn about more. 

Try it, you might like it.