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BOO! WHO'S SCARING YOU?

Are you tricking or treating yourself? What kinds of things do you say to yourself throughout the day? Are they loving or hurtful? Do they motivate and encourage or paralyze and frighten you?

And what about those things that others say to you? How do you interpret them? So often we put a dark mental filter over something that's being said.

Often we have learned ways of behaving, and beliefs that are no longer true or working for us as they might have in the past. But we continue doing it, because it is familiar to us (perhaps not comfortable, but familiar).

As an example, if every time you and I began to talk someone were to point a gun at us and say, "I'm going to shoot you unless you flip your lip," I don't know about you, but I'm going to flip my lip. And, if every time we talked thereafter that person came back with the gun, after awhile we wouldn't even look when we heard someone, we'd just start flipping our lip. Or, of course, if we realize we can CHOOSE not to go back there, we can save ourselves a lot of anxiety.

In the same way, we often do things in a way which doesn't work for us and in fact, is hurtful to us. We may not even realize it's happening. But we are taking away piece by piece and also peace by peace, good feelings about ourselves.

Do you talk lovingly to yourself? When you make a mistake do you acknowledge it, and look to see how you can learn from that mistake? Look at it as a Mis-take, as in the

rehearsals that actors have when they are filming. Take one, take, two, etc., getting closer each "take" to what they feel good and comfortable about.

How do you counteract negative messages to yourself? One way is by saying positive things and treating yourself as you would a good friend. These positive messages get through to your unconscious just as negatives do. Your unconscious is there to serve you, and believes everything literally and operates on that.

Value yourself, you'll notice that people start valuing you more, too. Each day, tell yourself "I am loveable and loving" and "I am a worthwhile person." Do something daring by looking at yourself in a mirror and saying those statements.

If you hear that critical voice inside your head, notice what it is saying. You may choose to write down the positive message (affirmation) and across from it the negative message. Each time you do this, you will see that if you do it 20 or so times in one sitting, the negative will start to or does, dissipate and the positive remains.

Notice too, how people treat you. Surround yourself with nurturing and caring people who value you.

You'll soon find the boogey-man has fled away. You are too strong for him.

Understanding more about these old hurtful behaviors came to be can help create a new and better life. If you are finding it difficult to think well of yourself, a family therapist can help you develop insight, knowledge and new ways to live more successfully.

Wishing you joy and peace,

Dr. Val